Friday 7th October 2016
Letter from the GPs’ Surgery
Today I had a letter from the surgery, which I didn’t manage to read before the surgery had closed, which was unfortunate, because it led to a whole weekend of worry.
It was a short letter saying that they had tried to contact me by phone but had been unable to do so, and would I please phone them to arrange a telephone appointment with a doctor regarding Mr. Pullan’s letter. No further information was given.
This put me back into worry mode again. What on earth was this about? What had Mr. Pullan written to them? Why hadn’t I had the result of my scan? I everything was fine, why would they want to speak to me about it? I didn’t say anything to anybody, not even my hubby because I didn’t want him to worry all weekend – I decided to tell him on the Monday once I’d had a chance to sort it out and find out what was going on, and I didn’t want to tell anyone else if I hadn’t already told him.
I spent the whole weekend thinking the worst – that the cancer had returned, and that I would have to undergo a whole lot more treatment, and even that I was going to die.
Monday 10th October 2016
Telephone Call to the GPs’ Surgery
First thing this morning I phoned the surgery. It took simply ages to get through. They make you sit in a queue listening to simply awful musack – everybody says what a nightmare it is, trying to phone. They need more people answering the phone! My hubby never phones but calls in in person instead because it saves time and aggro.
Eventually they answered, and I told them about the letter I had had. The receptionist looked it up, and said that one of the doctors had tried to phone me at the end of September, and had left a message on our answering machine and I’d never got back to them, so they wrote me that letter. I told her that we had never received the message.
The receptionist said they wanted to set up a telephone appointment with me, and would Thursday be all right? I said no, it would not. I wanted to know immediately what was going on, and also that my appointment with Mr. Pullan was on Thursday. I was not prepared to wait that long. I told her how worried I had been all weekend, wondering what could possibly have shown up on the scan that nobody was telling me about. She asked me to wait, and went to speak to one of the doctors. She returned and said that they’d said there was nothing to worry about, but it was something about some medication.
I couldn’t think what that could be about, because all I am on is Omeprazole for my reflux, which I have been taking for ages.
She said that if I wasn’t fussy which doctor I spoke to, she could fix a telephone appointment for today, and I agreed to this. She said it would be this morning, and if not, then definitely sometime later in the day.
I sat by the phone all day and nobody called me. I was pretty fed up about this.
I decided not to chase them up, and be held in a queue for hours yet again. They had initiated the whole thing and I had not asked for this appointment, and it was up to them to phone me as they had said they would.
I heard nothing at all, and went to see Mr. Pullan as arranged on Thursday.
Thursday 13th October 2016
Appointment with Mr. Pullan
Today at 12.15 p.m. I had my appointment with Mr. Pullan. It was a very strange appointment and I came away feeling quite disappointed.
After I’d been weighed, we were taken into the room and told to wait, and after five or ten minutes Mr. Pullan arrived. After shaking hands and seeming quite friendly, he sat down, and after that, he scarcely looked at me during our conversation – quite unlike his normal charming self. I found this very disconcerting. The appointment was quite short and he seemed preoccupied, and spent the whole time turning the pages of my notes and not looking at me.
I asked him straight out, at the beginning, what was the result of my scan, and he reassured me that there was no sign of any cancer. He went on to ask if I had not heard from my GP about it, and I explained what had happened, and he didn’t seem terribly impressed with that. He told me that they had found some small clots in my lungs, and he had written to my GP informing her of this, and they were supposed to be contacting me to discuss my going on aspirin to thin my blood. This was what the GP’s telephone appointment was supposed to be about.
He said it was nothing to worry about, especially as I had not had any symptoms (chest pains or breathlessness) – he said that probably a lot of people have these clots but never know about them because most people aren’t having CT scans where they would show up.
I was reassured about this, at any rate, but generally very dissatisfied by the way that this whole situation has been handled, since my CT scan. I said to him, and the nurse who was also in the room, that I have been very worried about the result of the scan, and thought that I should have been told what was going on, and I had not been told, despite 2 phone calls to the hospital, and then this abortive call from the GP. I said that I had been far more worried about this particular scan than previous ones, and that for people in my situation, our emotions can be very unpredictable. Neither of them had anything to say in reply to this.
I really do think that the hospital staff should try to remember that for them, it may be just all in a day’s work, but for us, these things take on immense importance, and that for our peace of mind, and for the alleviation of very natural anxiety, a little thoughtfulness in dropping us a line to let us know the result, whether good or bad, would really help.
Up until now, I have had very few complaints at all about the way I have been treated – quite the reverse, in fact – everyone has gone the extra mile, and has been charming and caring and delightful in every way, easing my way through what has been quite an ordeal for over a year. I am beginning to wonder if as time goes on, now that they are pretty confident that I really am cancer-free, that the regular check-ups are just something to be got through as a matter of course, and that they now have more important things to deal with… I do hope I am wrong! I have heard from a couple of people who I know, post-cancer, who are waiting for follow-up appointments or minor procedures to be carried out, and they seem to be waiting in vain – they have to chase up appointments, only to be told, “Oh, you will hear eventually… they are very busy… they are short-staffed…” etc. etc.
After we came out from the appointment, I was feeling quite depressed and not a little confused by how it had gone. My hubby was cock-a-hoop about the non-cancer result, and all for going out to celebrate, but just like after my all-clear, celebrating was the very last thing I felt like doing! When I have spoken to other people who have had cancer about this negative reaction to good news, they have all reassured me that it is very normal and not to worry too much about it. The emotions are complex, and it always takes time to process the news, whether it is good or bad. The professionals really do need to take this on board. Seemingly arbitrary postponements of operations at the last minute, non-communication of results of tests etc. can have a devastating effect on us, when we are already feeling vulnerable because we are threatened by a life-altering or possibly fatal disease. I know first-hand what this feels like.
I have another appointment to see Dr. Lo, the oncologist, on 24th November. I hope that appointment goes a bit better!
Comments from my old blog
Manish Batra1
June 2018 at 14:26
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