Cancer again…
This diary marks the beginning of my second primary cancer diagnosis. Like everyone else, I never expected to get cancer in the first place, let alone twice!! However, that’s what’s happened, and I just have to move forward and deal with it. My first cancer was colon cancer, diagnosed in January 2015, and “My Colon Cancer Diary” (tab under main blog header) documents that whole journey.
Today, Thursday 3rd June 2021, I attended the breast unit at the hospital to hear the results of my recent biopsy after finding a lump in my left breast a few weeks ago. I had been told at the time that the mammogram and ultrasound scan seemed to indicate that the lump was a fat necrosis – a benign lump usually the result of an injury, although I couldn’t remember having hurt myself. The doctor performed a biopsy just to make sure.
I had a phone call yesterday after the multi-disciplinary team had met to discuss the results of my examinations, and they asked me to attend this morning. I had my suspicions that the news would not be good, because had the biopsy confirmed the doctor’s initial suspicion that it was benign, I think they would have told me over the phone.
They tell me I have Grade 2 Invasive Lobular Breast Cancer.
The purpose of this diary
This new Cancer Diary will have full details of my journey month by month. This is by way of introduction, so I won’t go into details here, apart from the fact that I am to have an MRI scan within the next two weeks, which will determine what kind of surgery I will require – whether I need a lumpectomy only, or a full mastectomy – and I am to have radiotherapy. No decision can yet be made as to whether I shall need chemotherapy.
The reason for this diary is two-fold.
1. To provide me with a record of what happened when – time passes so quickly these days and it’s often hard to remember how long ago such-and-such happened, or exactly what was done at a particular time. It will also be a good record to look back on in the future, to remind myself what I have been through, and how far I have come. This has been my experience with my colon cancer diary.
2. I hope that by publishing this, which will include not only the various procedures and treatments that I shall undergo but also my feelings and personal experiences, it will help others. Sometimes just reading about someone else’s experience is enough to remind one that one is not alone – one can feel very isolated at times, but a shared experience can help. Also, as before, I am intending to be as honest as I can about my emotions at each stage – both positive and negative – this can give others “permission” to feel what they are feeling, and may also enable them better to share with others how they are feeling – a trouble shared is a trouble halved. If this diary can in any way encourage and help others on the same journey, it will be worth while.
The diary will be divided into separate sub-pages by month for ease of navigation. There’s drop-down menu under this main tab under my blog header.
My Christian faith
I make no apology for this being a thoroughly Christian-faith based journal. My faith in Jesus is the primary thing which defines me, and while many people may find this irrelevant, unhelpful or even offensive, this is my own blog and it is my own choice what I write in it, and I cannot be honest about sharing my journey if I leave out the most important aspect of my life. My strong faith in Jesus may be of great help and encouragement to others, though, and it may help to reach out to fellow-believers. The quotes from the Bible speak for themselves. These are God’s words, not my own, and they have more power to convict, to convince and to comfort than any words of my own that I can write. I pray that they will do their work.
For those of my readers who pray, I would value your prayers! I am not anxious and know that whatever happens, all will be well with me. I know Whose I am, and where my ultimate destinations lies! My faith (His gift, not my work) is strong, and I am safe in the palm of His hand.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,
to those who are the called according to His purpose.
(Romans 8:28)
He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.
(Psalm 91:1-6)
Obviously I would prefer to remain alive, though, and would prefer not to have chemo (horrible!) and in particular not to lose my hair – it’s taken me years to get it this long!!
But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her; for her hair is given to her for a covering.
(1 Corinthians 11:15)
My greatest wish is that throughout what lies ahead, I will be a faithful witness to the Lord Jesus, and bring glory to Him, and that through my behaviour and example, others may be drawn to faith in Him.
I do feel for my hubby, who has been through all this with me before, and he is a terrible worrier, always thinking the worst, and dreaming up worst-case-scenarios as massive castles in the air with very shaky foundations! Things never turn out as badly as he anticipates, but he will put himself through it every time!
